The Sweetheart

Once again, another blind date was knocking at my door. My friend from one of my classes knew this guy that was just a sweetheart, and has the worst luck with girls. She asked if I had made plans for the weekend, and if not, would I be willing to go on a date with this gentleman. I agreed that I would go to the dance at the school, gave her my number to have him call me; which he did that night. He sounded nice on the phone and he told me that this dance was to be done in the eighties, and he was dressing up. I was kind of excited because I love the eighties.

I was currently living with the family of my friend and she was kind enough to look through her old clothes to find me something to wear. In the back of her closet was this neon green dress that was perfect. We did my hair all funky and I was set. I hear the door bell ring right on time, and my friend holding in her laughter. I came upstairs to her lying on the ground from laughter, “have a good time.” He looked nice but was in jeans and a white shirt, that’s it; he looked mortified when he saw me. “Wow, that is a bright dress, I guess I won’t lose you anywhere,” where the first words out of his mouth. We walked out to the car where two other couples, not dressed either, were all waiting; we squeezed in the back seat and head for the dance. Once there my date kept disappearing, so I would just dance by my self, until someone I knew came and asked me to dance. Towards the end of the night my date reappeared and was willing to take me home.

I don’t really know how to explain the feelings I had on the way home but out of place and awkward seem to do the trick right now. I saw the house in the distance and heard him say, “Well I had a good time thanks for coming.” Then they were pulling into the driveway. The car stopped, the door opened, I got out and then it closed and the car left. I stood there for a minute in the cold not knowing what to do, when my friend opened the door and said, “That was harsh, he wasn’t even good looking and he smelled funny! This has to be a bad one for you!”

One Date Wonder

The best part about being set up on a blind date is the fact that other people are also invested in your date. It is no longer just the two of you, but the friend, the roommate, the neighbor, or who ever it was that thought of this match up; they are all rooting for this to work...which is a good thing! However if it doesn't work then you have more people that are upset.

This was my biggest concern about this last date. There was a whole neighborhood that was involved in this match up and that gave me hope. We had a good time and for the FIRST time I didn't have a story to tell. We went to dinner and played some games...it was NORMAL!!! I had fun and he seemed to have fun. Then a week later I got an email telling me how he had prayed about it (our date) and felt we needed to see other people. IT WAS ONE DATE!

Heartache

I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

I see your blue eyes
Everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
It's like I'm alone with me

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

Yes! He did say that...

So I figured that if I was going to include all of the dates I should add some of smooth on-liners I have experienced.
#1- “Hey, I have been calling everyone and there is no-one else. Are you busy?”
#2- “I’m bored and have nothing better to do; do you want to go on a date?”
#3- “What is the worst STD you can have?”
#4- “You have birthing hips.”
#5- “Wow, everything about you is small.”
#6- “I don’t remember you being pretty.”
#7- “Oh you’re a basketball fan, too. I think the 49ers are going all the way this year.”
#8- “March Madness? Is that the running of the bulls in Spain?”
#9- “Did you seriously eat all that?!”
#10- “If I didn’t know better, I’d ask you out!”

Don't mess with "the tank" .

Two facts everyone should know about me: first I am magnet for weird dates and second that I can eat a lot of food. All of my friends and family called me the tank; even some of my dates now that I think about it.

I was lined up with a great guy who was sure he could cure my bad luck. He was sent to me by way of my roommate, who told him that I was in desperate need of someone normal. He told me all this in the first few minutes of our date and kind of laughed at my crazy life. “Have you ever tried to get out of a date, once you were on it before?” he asked with a smile. “Sometimes I will look for exits and think of good reasons I would have to go home, but most of the time I just laugh to myself and have fun,” I replied.
“So is it true that if the date goes bad you’ll try to embarrass me?” He asked
“No, I won’t TRY, I WILL embarrass you.” I said with confidence
“Sorry to burst your bubble honey, but I don’t get embarrassed.”
“That’s because you’ve never met me.”
“Okay, hot shot, I’ll bet you dinner for a week that you can’t embarrass me by the end of our date.”
“What if I can embarrass you by the end of our dinner tonight?”
“I’ll be amazed!”

The restaurant was packed that night and after being seated I began to be as clingy and needy as possible. However, he wasn’t budging and if anything he was dishing it right back. I knew that I would have to pull out the big guns to really get this guy. I was racking my brain for something I could get him on, when the waitress came by to clear our plates. I had been so busy plotting that I hadn’t really eaten much of my dinner. She kindly asked if I would need a box, but my date answered for me by saying, “no, the tank can finish it, can’t you?!” I knew I had him…
I threw down my fork and said,
“I knew you thought I was fat! Do you know what I’ve been through for you…so that I could look good for you? I have been running for months so that I could fit into this dress, and be everything you want me to be. I was willing to run my body into the ground so that I could look good. I love you and I’m sorry if I just wanted our anniversary dinner to be perfect so that you wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen with me. But, I was wrong, you are embarrassed, and I’ll never been as good looking as your old girl friends that you’re always comparing me to, why do I even try…” I progressively got louder and louder (remember that it was packed that night).

His eyes got really big and he was begging for our check to come faster. In the mean time he desperately tried to calm me down and get us out of there. As he was pushing me out the door I kept saying, “Oh no I’ve embarrassed you! I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry.” Once we were out in the car I smiled and said, “I’ll have café Rio one of the days please!”

He was in shock for a good 30 minutes; and did know what else to do but take me home that night. He did tell me though, that if there was an Olympic event for embarrassing someone I would have the gold. He never asked me out again…I wonder why.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
But, the story is not done there. I was at work and one of the ladies told me she had finally heard a story that could top mine (like a said earlier it was pretty well know that I have ridiculous dates). She begins by saying how this guy went on a blind date and his date had a complete melt down in the restaurant, all to win lunch for a week. “Oh hey there he is now,” she said quietly. Right then he walked over and handed me my lunch; they all looked at me; what else could I say at that moment but, “he asked for it!”

Less is more?

I have always liked it when people felt comfortable enough to just tell me the truth, but it’s the out of the blue comments that always get me. I happened to take the guy I was dating with me to the mall to look at a skirt I was thinking about buying, figuring that he would give me an honest opinion, which he did, surprising I know.

We were just roaming around the store, and he was getting tired so he was a few feet behind me when I saw this dress that I would never wear. I was laughing to myself as I picked it up thinking who would ever wear this; it was strapless and looked like someone had thrown up on it. He came up behind me and said, “I don’t think you could fill that one out Linz.” I quickly said, “what?!”
“Well, Linz this dress requires that you have something to hold it up and you don’t really…you’re…” I couldn’t believe he had just said that, so I hit him and started walking to the car. He followed and kept saying, “Linz it doesn’t matter to me what your chest size is…oh man, I’m stopping now.” I had never been happier for him to stop talking. We had a few things to drop off and pick-up at his parents’ house, which we did on our way to my house. Once inside his mom could tell something was bothering me and asked what was wrong. I tried to brush it off, but she kept asking and finally I just said that her son had told me something very shocking and I didn’t know how to handle it yet. His dad came in at this point and was just as curious to find out what his son had said. I finally just said, “Well he told me that I couldn’t fill out a dress.” His mom hit him and his dad said, “That’s why I like you because I know he isn’t thinking about that.” I didn’t know how to take that.

The Rexburg Guide...

I had just gotten out of class and was planning to meet up with someone; I found a nice looking bench and sat down to begin my wait. After a few minutes my phone rang and the person I was waiting for couldn’t come, and we would have to do something later. Being slightly bummed I took a deep breath and went to leave. Right then, the gentleman sitting next to me, (whom I didn’t notice before) asked if I knew where someone could get a tour of the university. I pointed out the building that the admissions office was located. He told me he had already tried and they were all full for the day, but he only had today off to look at things. I got ready to say how sorry I was when he said, “I’m sorry but I happened to hear that your date was canceled and I was wondering if maybe you could just give me a quick tour?” I figured I wasn’t doing anything so I said I would. I walked him around and pointed out all of the buildings explaining each one. We arrived back at our beginning point and said, “Sorry this wasn’t very good, but I hope it helped.” He smiled and said “yes it did, thank you.” I got ready to walk away, when he said, “Hey, wait I never got your name.”
“Lindsee.”
“Okay, Ms. Lindsee, what would you think of a guy who thought you were cute and didn’t know how to ask you out so he convinced you to take him on a tour?”
“I would think that he was a chicken, but cute.”