Movie buff

I love movies...I enjoy seeing conflict and resolve, somehow it makes me feel like things can be fixed...I don't know if that makes sense to you? Anyways tonight as I said good night to someone I like, it hit me that the feelings I have for him are not the same feelings he has for me. Now let's fill you in.: he is someone that made me believe in love at first sight. I don't know what it is but I really like him, and find myself liking him the more I see him. I asked him out and it was the best date I had been on, things seemed good...and they still are but he never did ask me out and its been months. I have a feeling he likes me but our depth is different. Now in the movies there are two types of roles: leading lady and best friend. In his mind (and lately in mine) I've been the best friend. There isn't anything wrong with the best friend role but shouldn't I be the leading lady in my own life? Shouldn't I be the one being chased, or have some excited to see me? Maybe I'm all wrong I don't know take this post as thoughts from someone lost in a world of dating but not.

Brothers...

So I have grown up with amazing brothers. I have truly looked up to them and trusted their every word. This past year I kind of lost myself...well I didn't realize it until I had a conversation with my brother. I expressed to him how I was tired of dating and didn't understand why it was so hard. I am willing to to try anything (a good motto to live by, because you never know what is beyond a cover) and yet I am no where close to anything or anyone. I think it was the third time I've cried in front of my brother...something he doesn't really know how to handle. This brother and I aren't the closest but yet I know in a minutes notice he would come to my aide. That is why it was so strange that on this night I went seeking his assistance. He honestly told me what he thought...hard to swallow. This conversation lasted a long time and I felt the size of a pea but yet extremely powerful. We set some ground rules for "my new dating life":
1. Figure out who you are and do things you like
2. Stop dating
3. Make a list of things you want to have in a spouse and then start becoming that list
4. Don't let other people tell me how to date
5. Have faith and confidence

Number two is my favorite; but over time I've begun to see that it's true. Some of the greatest things came when I wasn't looking for them but I was in a place that they could find me. We put so much pressure on ourselves and lose faith in ourselves, we try to adapt and fit into boxes that worked for our friends, family, and neighbors. Well we aren't them we haven't done things like everyone else we are unique and things will come at the right time...we just need to put the effort in to be found just the way we are! I'm done with my soap box...you're allowed to take the stage now if you want.

I'm Lindsee, I don't understand dating! I am funny, smart, can't help but laugh at how funny life is and happen to cry when it seems unfair. And here's to another year.

Twice!!!!!

So I had one more date with the shy guy. We went to my work party... He was super shy and didn't talk to anyone ( I understand he didn't know anyone, but he didn't even speak to me). Afterwards we talked about Christmas and I shared some personal moments with him, I thought all was good. But then I didn't hear from him AT ALL! Almost a month went by when he called to ask about my recent test scores and made the statement "wow, who would have guessed My Girlfriend was so smart." --- I am still not sure why he was surprised but more importantly why he thought we were dating?! I shared my confusion with him and he seemed to be upset that I thought so little of our relationship. He asked me to list why I thought we shouldn't date. I quickly replied that it wasn't hat I didn't want to date I just didn't qualify talking to someone once every other week ( if I called), seeing them once a month, and never kissing or holding their hand as my boyfriend (if I did I would have been in a relationship with all my stories....wow he's got something there...maybe I should change my definition..humm). He came back with " wait we haven't kissed?"
Now I'm not an amazing kisser but I'm sure the kid would remember if we kissed, don't you? And no we never did. We got into a bit of a fight and said, " I guess we should breakup." to which I asked " how do you breakup when you're not dating?" needless to say we " broke up"

A week later he called and asked me out as if we had just met. " I don't know if you remember me but we went out back in October and I thought you were cute, I should have called sooner but I am a dork. Would you be willing to give me another shot on Friday night." I called him back and said " I happen to be working Friday" he replied with a Saturday request and I agreed.
He called Thursday and we talked for awhile before he said, " I think your great but I just don't know where this is going...I live up here and you live so far away. I want to get to know you but its too difficult to drive down to see you..." he went on to basically tell me if I lived closer we would date. Humm so in a nut shell the drive isn't worth it, and me. I quickly pick my jaw off the ground because here I was getting broken up with again, and said "okay but can this be the final time you call to breakup with me? "

Life is Funny

I got my Sleepless in Seattle moment and I flew to met my Tom Hanks. He was wonderful and everything I thought but nothing was felt between us. We both are in different places and maybe over time our friendship will grow but as for now that is all we have, friendship.

Surprisingly the shy sweetheart has been coming around. At first I only heard from him if I called him and he seemed to not be interested when I had surgery. However, this last week has changed (I think). We went out and he bought my mother flowers for her birthday and was so cute all night. Who knows...I think I should not think and just see where things take us.

You've got mail

YEP, my life gets more like the movies everyday! However, I unlike Meg Ryan do know the person on the other end side of that email...sort of. Lined up again but this time with my email. I didn't know how fun getting an email could be until now. We have talked, well written back and forth and it it really nice to hear from him. I have talked to him on the phone and I have told him things that I normally don't tell guys. Its really good!

Slow and steady

A long time ago someone wanted to set me up with a certain gentleman but they never gave either of us the others phone number just hoped that someday we would meet and all the choirs would sing. Well that never happened so I finally just asked for this fellow's number...and I called him. We enjoyed conversation after conversation however all the dates we would set up fell through. I had to work, he got sick, we live a far distance from one another and so that doesn't help either. Finally we met!! I had tickets to see a show that was half way for both of us. The show was great and the date went well (he's shy but oh so sweet). I left the date wanting to give it another chance. Which I did! Yep I asked him out to a sporting event this time. He got more talkative this time and it went well I thought; even though my family was ALL there...got to love them. I have to admit that this guy is kind of awkwardly shy...as in I don't really get him he talks and seems interested one minute and completely uncomfortable a minute later. No worries though I'm up for another meeting.

He did ask me out this time and it was a blast. He thought he would get me in a haunted house FOILED!!! There was no way I was going in there, but it was cute that he tried. However, he didn't try to hold my hand...there it was dangling and he kept awkwardly bumping it. I guess he is just taking his time which is fine, I am okay with that; but you have to remember that I'm still a girl and will over analyze the crap out of this and I have but I have to stop myself and breath (things will happen how they need to "have some faith" RIGHT?!). Hahaha but I have never got the patience thing down so I asked him out again for dinner at my place. He agreed and came! He still was super shy around everyone there and I am sure he said a total of 15 words the whole night to anyone besides me (to me he spoke the equivalent of a two page paper). The real treat of the night was the awkward couch moment.

There we were on the couch side by side; I not wanting to push him or make him move faster than he wanted sat in a position as to not discourage conversation but comfortable/content with just watching the movie. Half way through the movie I can feel the mood change and the wheels in his head going ninety miles per hour. Then came the quick arm around me (I could almost hear/see the sigh of relief from his mouth and a smile of victory). I fought back laughter as I felt his whole body getting nervous, heart racing, palms sweating, deep breathing. Poor kid it's just me I hope you make it to the end of the movie alive. You'll be glad to know he did and I walked him to his car and saw him off. It went well I think...but I think I should back off a bit and let it simmer, maybe let him plan something for us. Yep I think that's the plan.